Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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