I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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