Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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