how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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