At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
