he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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