That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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