"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
