She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
