I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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