Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
