when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Even the bartender felt bad for me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize