Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
