we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
God I need to hump something, right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
