let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just found puke in my bra..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
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Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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