So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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