all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
