My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
