based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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