There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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