I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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