i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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