dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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