the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
