five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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