She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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