Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
