He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
