Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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