Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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