I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
