Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
