i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
where am i from again
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
