he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
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He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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