Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
