By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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