i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
