No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
