Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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