Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
