yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.