**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
