you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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