They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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