The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
