I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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