a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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