her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize