Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize