This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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