I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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