Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
