You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Blood and glitter go together right?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
