1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
