he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
