i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They are going to name an STD after you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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