Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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