My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
