On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
