Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
