I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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