You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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