oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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