one might say we're banned from that church
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
