fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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