Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
