i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
