i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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